I Can't Imagine My Life Without You in It
by MeMe00190
Summary: This is just my version of season 2 ep 1 of rookie blue, when andy gets shot at the concert and sam is there to help. Hope you like it! plz rate.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fic, Id love any advice you have, good or bad. This is what I wish would have happened on 201.

"Well, well you, you make my dreams come true ohh ohh" That song summed up my life right now. All my life into three minutes and eight seconds, except for one person who makes my life complicated and his name is Sam Swarek.

I always told myself that Luke was the perfect person, but he wasn't him. He wasn't Sam Swarek.

Today was a fine day so far, there was a free concert and Frank put me in charge, which I was surprised at. It was my first shift back since six months, six months since I thought Sam was dead, and six months since Sam kissed me.

Everything was fine at the concert, a couple crazy people and one guy dancing on my cruiser. Nothing strange there. The strange thing about today was Sam's answer to my question about him transferring to guns and gangs.

"What's holding you back" I asked Sam slightly hoping that he wasn't going to mention my amazing relationship with Boyd. But instead I got an even more surprising answer.

"You, love working with you McNally, can't imagine my life without you in it." I had to say something quickly, or else he would have realized. I just mumbled something about his hair gel, not even knowing what I said. My mind raced what could that mean? He was in the car with Oliver, and since I wasn't his rookie anymore could I?

Soon enough I found myself listening to some girl ramble on about her friend and line being too long or something like that. She showed me her bracelet and I found the words to say "Where is your friend". I really didn't care where her friend was, the only thing I was thinking about was Sam. Even though I know that I shouldn't let people in without them going through the line, I just really wanted to be left alone in my thoughts.

Suddenly I heard a voice I could never forget, it was him Sam Swarek. The only thing he had to say was if he could keep the line going if that was all right with me. I just loved the way he called me boss, it made me feel special. The girl I was talking to asked me if Sam was my boyfriend, and I thought to myself he should be, it would be amazing. But I laughed and explained to the girl that he was my old training officer. She mentioned something about her old friend but I didn't listen, I was still thinking about him. Then I heard it.

It rang through my ears, the loud pop. It was the one sound that I remember too well, the same sound that I heard on the night of the black out, the night I almost did it with him. It was the sound you can only hear if you listen closely, it was the sound of a bullet hitting skin.

I couldn't tell I was injured, I felt no pain. I wasn't winded, maybe that's what it's like to get hit by a bullet, maybe you don't feel anything until later, but that didn't make any sense. I looked around and there she was, the girl who thought Sam and I were together, she was on the ground.

I felt it before I heard it, I knew I was falling, my lungs were empty, I tried to breathe for air but nothing happened. It's like when you're stuck under water for too long, you can't move the way you want to, your brain doesn't listen. You're telling it to move but it won't. That's how I felt. The only thing I could think of was him. Sam Swarek, how his dimples were the most amazing thing I've ever seen, that smile.

I hit the ground on my back. I was starting to panic because I could only hear the sound of what sounded like a swarm of bees was in my ear. My vision was blurry until it hit me, like a ton of brinks. I could suddenly hear everything, to the sound of people's shoes hitting the pavement to the sound of someone drawing their gun. Probably Epstein, he's always late drawing his gun. But then I heard it, it was his voice. And I saw a shadow coming near me, it was him, it was Sam Swarek.

I was still panicking, no air would into my lungs. But Sam's voice it helped calmed me down, there's nothing else in the world like it. Just him being the first one to help me has to mean something toward "us". He wasn't even close to me before the shot, which means he ran towards me even before looking for the shooter.

I finally started to get my breathe back, my lungs were filling up, I saw the girl was shot next to me. I had to help her, I could barely move but I owed it to her, I owed to the girl that was nice. So the only thing I could do was crawl over closer to her, I needed to be there for her. I held onto her hand, trying to keep calm.

All I could think about was Sam, how he was perfect, how when this was over I needed to tell him how I felt. After this I will be with Sam. There are a thousand things he's said and done. "You, love working with you McNally, can't imagine my life without you in it", kept on going through my head over and over again.

I grabbed Sam by the arm, he turned towards me, and in that second I said it."I can't imagine my life without you in it either".


	2. Chapter 2

**I'd like to thank everybody who left a comment! I really appreciate it. I wasn't going to have any more than 1 chapter but you have convinced me otherwise. So here's chapter 2!**

I knew everything was going to be ok, this feeling of relief sank into me, I saw the smile that lit up my whole world, his smile.

My lungs were filling up with air again, all I could feel right now was the pain that the bullet left behind, even though the bullet got stuck in the vest, it still felt like it hit me. It felt like a sharp knife hit me but didn't break the skin, I knew that it would be blue within the hour.

Sam told me that he had to leave right now to be the boss. I was still holding onto the girl's hand, I didn't even know her name. I was scared because she didn't move her hand, she didn't even move at all. She can't be dead, she can't be. I was just talking to her. I had to let go when the medics came. I recognized one of the medics, she was the one that I met in the apartment on my first day as a cop. The day I first met him, the day I tackled him.

I was ok, my breathing was still heavy but I needed to move, I needed to see if the girl was ok. Gail was by my side, even though she isn't the best person to be around sometimes, I was happy she was here with me now. I started to sit up, I needed to make sure she was alive. Soon enough Oliver raced over and made me lay back down. He just wouldn't understand every time I told him I was ok.

'That bullet that blood, your evidence" I didn't like being referred to as evidence. Like Luke did with Benny Kenny a few months ago, that kid was more than just evidence. He had a family, he wasn't just a guy with a bullet in his head. Another reason why Luke isn't the right guy for me.

Suddenly this girl shows up in the middle of nowhere, yelling out Kate. She ran for the girl lying beside me, but Sam intervened. He wouldn't let her get any closer, she had his arms wrapped around his neck, just trying to push him away. He tried to calm her down but I knew that would never work, I couldn't even be calm myself. The girl beside me, her name must be Kate, that's all the girl pushing Sam would say, over and over again like she wanted it to be someone other than Kate, any one.

This whole time I didn't even realize what I was grasping onto. I looked down and opened my hand. There it was the red button from Kate's jacket that had fallen to the ground. I must have picked it up and not even realized it. I couldn't let it go, I kept on holding onto it as if, the button represented her life and I holding onto her last breathe keeping her alive.

I was sitting on a plastic table that some officer set up, listening to Frank tell me how I did good. When really I thought I could have done better. I could have moved when I heard the first shot, I could have helped Kate, but instead I stood there and did nothing.

A girl who I've never seen before walked over to me, Frank introduced her as detective Jo Rosati, which meant nothing to me. Where was Luke, and why was there a detective from 27 division here. Detective Rosati asked if it hurt and if I was ok. I had to say I was fine, great. I wouldn't want Frank thinking that I couldn't take being hit. She told me to come to the van with her so she could gather the evidence. I just really wanted to get this bullet out of my vest. The bullet that could have killed me.

I followed her to the van, making sure my head was down, I didn't want anybody looking at me like this, especially not Sam. When we got into van Rosati took my hand and gently opened it up, There was the red button that I was holding for Kate's life. The only thing I thought of while I was in there was, she was nice. She didn't deserve what happened.

It was nice to finally get out of the van, the fresh air felt nice. As soon as I opened the door, there he was. He waited for me, he rushed me around the back of the van. I needed to talk to him. He held my face in his hands, moving my hair away from my face.

Then I thought of Luke, he doesn't even know about this, I meant what I said to Sam earlier about not being able to live without him but. I can't like Luke and Sam at the same time, but I did. This morning came racing through my mind. I was happy this morning, we've been happy ever since we moved in with each other and I would never want to give that up. I had to tell Sam that what I said was about our friendship nothing more. I didn't want to, but I had to.

"Sam, what I said earlier about us... I meant". I was stopped mid sentence when I saw Sam's amazing smile, those dimples. The smile that lit up my world. I had to tell him, it wouldn't be fair. "I meant it about us working together and being friends like you said earlier, nothing more" I saw that smile fade away, the twinkle in his eye lost its shine. I knew he was upset. I knew I just broke his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for such a long time between chapters, high school and guitar practise doesn't leave me much time anymore. Thanks for the reviews love them! So here's chapter 3!**

Nothing felt normal, not even my own skin. I knew what was going on but, none of it seemed real, just like you're sitting down and watching yourself in a movie.

All I could think about what Sam's reaction was, he tried to hide it as much as he could, but you could tell the damage was done. It had to be said, it was only fair. My life was perfect, with Luke. Sam was the one that made it complicated.

Seeing that wonderful smile fade away was like torture, I couldn't bare it any longer. I looked away hoping for a distraction.

"I know". That's all Sam said, but I knew that it was a lie. His smile came back, it wasn't even a smile. It was his frustrated grin, that he does when he's annoyed. I felt the tears coming, I couldn't cry, not now, I am Andy McNally. I had to do something, I somehow got the power to return with a smile.

"I have to tell Luke". Right after I said that, I wish I didn't, Sam's smile went away completely. He let out with a sigh. "Right, _Luke_, you better tell him. He probably would like to know you were shot since he isn't here _with you_". Just the way he said Luke, I knew he was mad, I wasn't sure at first why Sam said 'since he isn't here with you", but then it hit me. Luke should have been here, looking around and trying to figure out what happened to his girlfriend. Rather than having the girl from 27 here. I was his girlfriend, I live with him. He should be here. Maybe Sam's just saying it like that to make me think that I should be with him instead.

Before I knew it, Sam was pulling my arm. We were heading back to the front of the communications van. He gave me his phone, all he said was "Call Luke". He walked away before I even got to reply. I didn't even know what to say so that was good. I just stared at the phone, I couldn't call Luke. I didn't know what to say. "Hey, can you come down to the supernova? I was shot. Sam ..." That wouldn't work. I needed someone else to call. The only thing I could think of to do was ask the detective from 27 to call. So that's exactly what I did. As soon as I knocked on the van of the door she answered.

"Can you call detective Luke Callaghan for me please? He might be still in court but you could leave a message, just say I was hurt. Make sure to say I'm fine now, I just really want to talk. Tell him to meet me at the station please". She looked at me with a weird expression on my face, she saw the telephone in my hand. I didn't want to explain. "Yeah sure, no problem. Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yup, fine, all good. Thanks again". I walked over to Frank. I had to leave, it felt like the walls were closing in on me here. Even though there were no walls, just invisible barriers.

"Frank, can I get the rest of the day off, I really just want to go home and sleep". I knew that my clothes were at the station, I'd have to get those. I'd meet Luke there. "McNally, you thought I would let you work after being shot, no way. I was just about to ask if you needed a drive back to the station" I just nodded, he pointed me towards some officer on scene and asked him to drive me back to the station.

The drive was short, about five minutes, but it felt like five hours. Traffic didn't help much, I didn't recognize the officer, he must be new. Only one word was spoken the whole drive. Music. I just nodded my head no, I needed to think in peace.

Finally I heard the familiar sound that I have loved to hear. The sound of police car sirens, nothing felt more like home. Within seconds the station was visible, Luke's car was already parked in the parking lot. This will be an interesting conversation. I politely thanked the officer, and got out. Not knowing what to expect.

Explaining to Luke what happened took about two hours, he made me go through it like five times. As if he was interrogating a witness for answers.

"Can we go home"? I ask knowing he will say "yes, anything you want. Are you sure that your going to be ok"

"If you stop hugging me maybe." I had this strange feeling going through me, a cross between regret and guilt, like I should have told Sam exactly how I felt. That I want to be with him, it wouldn't be fair to Luke. That was the only thing keeping me back, if it wasn't for him I would probably be at Sam's, not Luke's house and Sam loving me, not Luke.

"Andy, we need to talk". By this time we were already back home, and I knew that this was not going to be good, Luke isn't a talk-about-your-feelings kind of guy. "Andy, I'm sorry that I wasn't there. I'm trying as hard as I can, it's just really hard to make my work life not part of my social life and cut into time with you. I feel like I can't do this right. No matter how hard I try I feel like there's someone you're always thinking about, that's not me. Maybe it's because I'm not there enough for you, but all the stories about your work day. They all have Sam in it. That's all you really talk about, maybe your just friends, maybe more but can you please tell me what's going on between you two?"

I didn't even know how to reply to that. I don't know what Sam and I are. I don't even know if what was between Sam and I is even still there after today. I just hope there is something left. I needed to talk to Sam. Maybe it would be better if Luke and I broke up.

"Andy, I think that until you finally figure what's going on maybe we should take a break, just until you figure things out". My heart sank. I sort of wanted to end it with Luke but I never thought it would be this hard. The only thing I could manage to say was "Maybe it is a good idea, I can stay at Traci's and my dad's until we figure it out. I guess I'll see you at work in the meantime". With that I stood up and left. Not even knowing where I was going.


	4. Chapter 4

**Since you guys are really nice I'd thought I would do 2 chapters in one night, just for you! So enjoy**

**Megan xoxo**

I didn't know where I was going, I just picked up my purse on my way out the door and left. I just had to leave, I heard Luke saying something as I left but I ignored him and kept on going. The only things I had was the clothes on my back, Sam's cell phone which I forgot to give to him before I left home and some lip gloss. Good thing I hadn't changed into my pyjamas yet.

I guess having Sam's cell phone did give me an excuse to go see him. But that was the second last place that I want to go right now. It was starting to get dark out and I soon would need a place to stay. Traci was the best option. Going back home to Luke would be awkward, going to Sam after today wouldn't be much better. But I do have to return his phone before too long.

Luckily Trace answered her phone "Hey, how are you doing, you must be really sore, can I help anyway?" I explained to her what happened with Luke, how I can't go back there and I need a place to stay or if that can't be possible a drive. "Meet you by the corner store by your place in 20" and with that she hung up.

I already walked past the corner store, so I would have to turn around and head back towards Luke's house. Which was an unpleasant thought just by itself. When I arrived Traci was already there waiting, even though it was only 10 minutes since I called her. I didn't say hello or anything, she asked if the couch was fine, all I could do was nod. I didn't want to talk about it, because if I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop. Traci knew this and didn't say anything until we got to her apartment, not even music during the 15 minute drive, which was fine.

Before I knew it, I was sleeping on the couch in sweatpants that Trace lent me. I was glad that I had the day off tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to face Sam or Luke. Then suddenly I remembered the phone that belonged to Sam was still in my pants pocket. I could give it to Trace to bring it to him tomorrow, because she was working.

This strange noise woke me up, someone singing, that didn't make any sense. Trace told me about three hours ago that she left for work and Leo was staying at his dad's this week. Finally after a couple seconds I realized it was coming from my jeans which were in my purse. I rushed as fast as I could to the noise, after hearing the song for a minute I realized it was The Who. It must be coming from Sam's phone. He liked classic rock. I picked up the phone looking at the screen which showed Oliver's Cell. I didn't want to answer it at first but after thirty more seconds curiosity got the best of me. I answered with a hello, not knowing who it would be.

I recognized the voice immediately, it was Sam. "Hey, Andy? Is this you, I was just wondering if you still had my phone because I couldn't find it earlier this morning, I had to use Oliver's cell to figure out where it was". I didn't know how to reply, I didn't say anything for a couple of seconds. I came back to reality when Sam said "Andy? This is your right?" I replied saying yes I still had his phone, that I was really sorry I meant to give it to you last night but something happened".

'Are you working today?" Sam said even though he knew I wasn't because he always checks who I'm riding with. " No, I should give you back your cell phone soon though". Sam told me that he would be off work in 5 hours, we arraigned to meet at The Penny for me to give him back the phone.

I really didn't want to talk to Sam yet, but I had to. I was nervous for later. Not knowing what Sam would say about the day before. In twenty minutes I was back asleep, dreaming about what our conversation would be like.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey Guys, so I'd thought I'd have one chapter from Sam's point of view, tell me what you think. **

**Megan xoxo**

I should have known better. I should never have told Andy that I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. I didn't want a reply, I just wanted to tell her how I felt. Just being hopeful that she understood what it really meant, which she apparently understood too well.

I knew she was living with Luke, when she talked about him she seemed happy. I would never want to hurt her, she's always there for me and I'm always there for her. I would never try to jeopardize that. Working with her was great, but it wasn't amazing. It could be better if I was with her,

In four hours, I'll be able to see her. Hopefully make sure she's ok , from what happened only yesterday. Even though it felt like forever ago, making sure were ok. Getting my phone back was the last on the list.

My head is still buzzing from last night, one too many drinks, well maybe more like four too many. I could blame Oliver for the first three, nothing too unusual there but after I got back to my apartment I couldn't bear that Andy said what she said. Couldn't bear to think about it any longer, so those last four drinks were my fault and I'm paying for it now. The drinking didn't work though, the feelings just got worse and worse with every drink. I couldn't keep going on, I had to work today. Normally I can drink a bit and not be affected the next day. But today was another story, it felt as if my hair was hurting, every little light felt like the sun was four feet away and my bed felt like there was an ocean between us. It didn't help any that I was working the day shift.

Three more hours, I can do this. I thought to myself knowing I'm wrong. This red blur caught my attention, thank goodness I stopped in a parking lot for coffee before because thinking and driving is never a good idea, not to mention with a hangover. The red blur was a car going way above the speed limit. I really didn't want to go after it, because the noise of the sirens will make, but I just can't sit in this Tim Horton's parking lot all day. I turned the sirens on and sighed. These three hours can't be that long.

Finishing today's paperwork didn't take that long, I didn't do much. I was glad to get out of this office and go meet Andy for a drink. The drinking part wasn't something to look forward to because I had just gotten rid of the last bit of the head ache from the earlier hangover, the last thing I wanted was it coming back for round two.

Just as I was heading out the door Oliver poked me in the shoulder "Hey, you going to just completely forget about us". There was Oliver and Jerry standing together with their arms crossed. Nothing was coming through my brain, all I could think about was her. Then I knew it, it was Tuesday, poker night.

No one has ever cancelled a poker night yet, not ever. "Oh yea, sorry brother I can't go. I have other plans". It didn't feel right cancelling poker night. The expressions on both their faces was confusion.

"Since when does Sam have anything better to do that play poker, wait...? You have a date!" Exclaimed Jerry so that everyone around us could hear. I didn't want to say anything but I knew if I didn't that Jerry would yell it even louder. "It's not a date, it's just one friend meeting another friend for drinks. That's it nothing more"

"Sounds like something more, who's it with?" Oliver was smiling ear to ear. I couldn't let him know who it was with. I just wanted to get out of the officer before anyone else heard. I pushed open the door, hopeful that they wouldn't follow me to the parking lot, but I was wrong, they did. While they were following me they wouldn't leave me alone, they kept on asking who it was, who is she, did they know her and so on. I couldn't bare it any longer.

"It's McNally, ok?"There was no reply, so I turned around. Jerry's jaw dropped open, with a small smile of his face. Oliver just said "Took you long enough, you owe us one". With that Oliver turned around and pulled the stunned Jerry with him. Glad that they were gone, I hopped into my truck and went home to change. I didn't want to go to the Penny wearing half my uniform.

I rushed home, not really watching the speed limit. I only cared about one thing. Seeing Andy, was the on the top of my list. I never used to have lists but I guess someone's over thinking rubs off on you after you've spent a lot of time with them. I turned the truck engine off and sprinted inside. Not too sure why I was sprinting because I had over thirty minutes and the Penny is only a 5 minute drive. But I wanted to be there as soon as possible, no waiting.

By the time I could feel my heart pounding through my chest, I was half expecting it to pop right out of my chest the very minute I saw her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the really short chapters, I promise this one will be longer, back to Andy's view again. Hope you like it!**

I was at the Penny fifteen minutes early, I ended up walking instead of getting a drive from Tracy. I felt like I have been too much of a burden to her already. I don't want her knowing who I'm going to go see anyways. She's always telling me how Sam and I should be together, I don't want a I told you so right now.

My phone buzzing interrupted my thinking, there it was. A picture of me and Luke hugging and smiling came on the screen. I remember that day, everything was good back then. Not like now, I let the phone ring three times then decided to answer.

"Callaghan, what do you need"? I answered with a neutral tone, trying to keep this call seem work related. "Andy, you know you can call me Luke still" This just made me feel weak at the knees, I could not call Callaghan Luke. He wasn't mine anymore, he is clearly going to make this awkward at work. I answered with a weak voice "What do you want?" I heard Callaghan sigh in the background. I knew this would be difficult.

"You". I was choked, I actually held my breath for a minute considering going back to him. No way, I can't go back there. Not now, not ever. I couldn't reply, I just hung up and kept on walking. I quickened my steps, just wanting to get to the Penny as fast as possible.

After half an hour of walking I arrived at the Penny, still fifteen minutes early. I walked through the parking lot waving to several people I see there often. My mind raced, I just hope no one from 15 will see Sam and me there together. I opened the door slowly, looking around. No one from 15 I was safe, that was very reassuring.

I looked around trying to spot Sam, he wasn't at his normal spot on the bar stool and wasn't where he Oliver and Jerry sometimes sat. He still has fifteen more minutes to show up, he'll be here any minute now.

I was checking my phone so often that the battery died, I forgot to charge it last night and today. I didn't even have the charger, I left that at Luke's house. I got this funny feeling in my stomach knowing that I'll have to go back and get my stuff. I still have a spare key, when Luke isn't home I'll go in and take everything that's mine.

I looked towards the door just in time, there was Sam walking in. He looked around a couple of times until he saw me. He smiled ear to ear, like he was happy to see me. I don't know why he would be happy. I broke his heart just over twenty four hours ago, nothing happy there. He sat down beside me without even saying a word.

"Hey" Sam said about a minute after he sat down. I was so happy that he said something, I thought he was mad. I replied with saying "Hi... I thought for a minute there you weren't going to talk to me". He gave me a confused look. "You know, because of what I said behind the van, you know about us being friends". I put the emphasis on friend.

"Oh right, that". Sam ordered drinks, ordering exactly what I like. I was surprised he still knew, six months and he still knows it. I took a sip from the beer and broke the silence between us. "Are you mad at me?"

"Andy, I could never be mad at you. You're my partner, I have you're back and you got mine. Nothing can change that, not ever I hope. I risk my life for you and you risk your life for me every day, were with each other more than ten hours almost every day of the week. I spend more time with you than anyone else in my life, if we don't get along we could die..." Sam trailed off with that. He turned around just in time to see the one tear rolling down my cheek, great.

Sam turned towards me and looked me right in the eyes. "What's wrong, did I say something?"

"No, yes, errm not really". I wish I could tell him about Luke, but remembering his last reaction about me saying something about him, I had to make up something else. I pointed to my side where the black and blue bruise is.

"Oh, Andy, I completely forgot about that! Are you ok? Does it hurt too much, we could always talk when you feel better".

"No". I practically screamed out, I wanted to have this conversation now, not tomorrow and certainly not at work. "It's just the way I turned, won't do that again". I don't think he totally believed me because of the look he gave me but he went along with it.

An awkward silence came up, this would be the perfect time to give him back his cell phone. "Let me get your cell phone, we've been here for fifteen minutes and I completely forgot all about it". I turned around to get it out of my purse but the pain from the bruise prevented me. A sharp pain went through my side, this time it felt like I actually might cry. I let in with a deep breath, and turned back. Letting out only a small noise, trying not to grab Sam's attention.

"Let me get it Andy, it's probably hard enough sitting as it is". Before I could refuse Sam was standing up zippering open my purse. "You do know it's not good etiquette going through a lady's purse". I said sarcastically with a grin on my face.

"You aren't any normal lady McNally". I liked it better when he called me by my last name, not my first. I feel more mature and powerful. There was an awkward pause in our conversation until Sam took his phone out of my purse and sat down in his stool. I had to tell him about Luke.

"Luke and I were taking a break. He told me that he thought that he wasn't the only one that I cared about, I left him at his house yesterday night and haven't seen him since. Sam looked at me straight in the eyes, it was hard saying this but I had to "Sam that other person that I cared about is you."

"Well it must have been hard living off lip gloss and my phone last night". Sam said completely avoiding what I just told him. Maybe if I say...

Sam interrupted my thoughts by saying "Andy, you can stay at my place. If I would have known last night you could have slept on my couch. Andy, I'm your partner. you can always call me, I have your back and you have mine".


	7. Chapter 7

**Loving the reviews guys! Thank-you soo much, they're really inspiring! **

"Sam, I feel really bad asking you this. Because of everything, but can I stay at your place tonight?" I knew what the answer would be, well hoped what the answer would be.

Leo's dad surprised Traci today with Leo at her doorstep. "Have fun with mom, bye" That's all Dexter said, he turned and walked away, not even to look back. I couldn't stay over there while she has Leo too, I feel bad for Traci as it is.

"Of course you can stay over McNally, but what about your clothes, I don't have a wardrobe like Nash if that's what you're thinking". He could always make me smile in the toughest situations. "We could always make a stop at you're old place if you want to". I was surprised that Sam wanted to go to Luke's house, but I guess if he has my back he will suffer through anything.

"Yes please, warning though it might get messy if Luke's home".

About one hour later I was getting tired and Sam asked if we wanted to go get my clothes, I nodded, Sam paid the bartender and we left.

It was getting pretty late and I was getting pretty cold, wearing only a light sweater. I shivered a little, Sam must have noticed because he took his jacket off and put it around my shoulders, I just smiled back at him, knowing I appreciated it.

"Sorry for the mess, I haven't gotten the time to clean it up yet". Sam said to me while moving a Chinese restaurant take out box out of the passenger's side. "It's fine, if I can live my dad's bottles all over the place I can live with a couple Chinese takeout boxes, they never hurt anybody".

"So, how is Tommy these days?" Sam sounded actually concerned about my dad. "Good, he's planning on going on a cruise with his group". "That's good". After that there was a pause in conversation and Sam turned on the radio probably trying to prevent an awkward moment. Then it came on the radio.

"Well, well you, you make my dreams come true ohh ohh" The same song from yesterday morning, the song when I was thinking that Luke was perfect for me, looks like I was wrong about that. I couldn't stand listening to those words again, not after I listened to them with Luke.

"Can you turn that off, I can't..." Sam turned the radio off, I couldn't let him see me melt down again. "I can't give you directions when the radio's on". I knew it was a lame excuse but it worked. I gave him the directions to Luke's house and we pulled up to the curb. I saw Luke's car in the driveway and it felt like there was thousand pound brick where my heart should have been.

"Do you want me to come in and help in case...?" Sam said pointing towards the front door and smiled. "If you don't mind, I would appreciate it". He nodded his head and opened the door to get out.

Walking towards the front door seemed too familiar but not familiar at the same time if that made any sense. I felt this funny tingly feeling in my stomach, butterflies. I haven't had those since the day I tackled Sam in the ally. I didn't bother ringing the doorbell, I just knocked and used my own keys to open the door.

"Luke, its me Andy. I'm just here to get some of my stuff". I yelled at the doorway, hoping he was busy doing something, soon enough though he walked around the kitchen hallway drinking a beer.

"Andy, I need to apologize, I had no right saying what I said earlier... What's he doing here?" Luke said pointing to Sam waiting at the doorway. "He came to help, I'm going to get my stuff then I'll be gone". I walked towards the bedroom leaving the angry Luke giving Sam a dirty look. I could hear them talking but I just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

I packed two gym bags full of clothes and stuff Ill need until I get to wherever I'm going, which I have no clue where. For once in my life I just want to drive until It feels like home, wherever home might be. I walked into the kitchen and found Sam and Luke arguing.

"Sammy buddy, c'mon, don't you think you deserve better? She goes from one guy to the next. Me earlier, you next and whoever is her next pet project. Wait, I don't give a damn about what you deserve Sam". I couldn't believe I just heard Luke say that, he had no right talking to Sam like that.

"Luke I wouldn't be talking, you were the one who had a new rookie every year, does Andy know about that or should I say them?" Sam said defending me because he saw me standing behind Luke.

"Good-bye Luke, I won't miss you" I said as I walked out the door, I didn't even look behind to see if Sam was following me. I stormed out to the truck and threw my gym bags in the back and just broke down on the sidewalk.

I fell to my knees and lost it, I couldn't even get a tear to escape my eyes. My eyes stung like never before. My heart felt like a bomb just exploded and my legs were like jell-o.

I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, I turned around and found Sam holding out a hand to help me up. Even though he was only helping me off the sidewalk during a breakdown, it felt like he was my savior. The one and only, my knight and shining armour.


	8. Chapter 8

**Loving the reviews, really good hopes for this chapter for all you people hoping for some Sam and Andy personal time. Hope you like it!**

I guess thinking of Sam as my knight and shining armour was a bit of an exaggeration, but he was there and that's all that counted.

Sam put an arm around my waist and the other around my arm, and helped me gain my balance. My knees were still weak and wobbly but I managed to get enough balance to slip into the passenger seat of his truck. I looked through the rear view mirror, and saw Sam smiling to himself. I wonder what he's so happy about.

I looked back towards my old house, a last glance I guess, to say goodbye. I saw Luke watching through the dining room window, just staring at Sam as if he had red lasers coming out of her eyes, if looks could kill. Sam turned around at the wrong second and caught a glance of Luke. Sam just gave him the finger and opened the door to the truck. I guess my knight and shining armour isn't all that elegant, no ones perfect.

Before I even realized what was going on, we were at Sam's house. Sam parked the truck in the back ally way and turned it off. We didn't move though, we just sat there.

"Thank-you so much for coming, I can't imagine what would have happened if you weren't there". I had to thank Sam, he's done so much this past hour. I would have no clue how to re-pay him.

"Were partners and that's what partners do. Andy, you sure you'll be alright? You were shot and then the Luke thing is there anything else I can do?" I was taken back, I thought that I was being too big of a burden.

"Sam there is nothing else you could do for me, I just need to get my act together. Just please tell me one thing, that you have a bath tub". I just really needed to have a hot bath and get these clothes off me.

Sam chuckled at this and replied "Nope. Can you seriously imagine me in a bath tub, sorry."

"What are you sorry for, not having a bath tub or that image?" I replied smirking, trying to lighten up the mood a bit.

"Both". Sam replied while opening the truck door to get out. He grabbed one of the gym bags and carried it into the house. While I was just sitting there, not sure what do to with myself.

The warm water rushing down my face felt like the storm above my head was lifted and I could actually see which way I was going suddenly. I apparently proved that theory wrong when I ran into the wall.

I heard Sam yell at me to see if everything was all right, I didn't yell back when I realized I had left the gym bag with my sweat pants and pyjamas in the back of the truck. I'll have to yell for Sam's help, again.

"Hey, Sam... Can you come here for a minute". Before too long I heard a knock on the door.

"Is everything all right in there, McNally"?

"Yes, well not really. I left my clothes in the back of your truck in the gym bag. I don't have any clothes". I think the only part Sam heard was I don't have any clothes. I heard a muffled one minute through the door. I was hoping that he would go to the truck and back to get my gym bag, but I heard a knock on the door almost right away.

"I'm turning around, open the door so I can throw these in". I had no clue what "these" were, but pretty much anything would be great about now. I opened the door a crack and Sam threw a pair of his sweatpants and an old t-shirt that said RCMP Academy on it.

"Do they fit McNally?" I heard Sam yell from outside the door. I only had the sweatpants on, but I yelled back "Yea, they fit great thanks". The shirt was very baggy, so I decided it would be a good idea to keep my bra on. I looked at myself in the mirror, hoping I didn't look too bad. Looking at myself I realized that a little over 24 hours ago I was shot, broke Sam's heart, broke up with Luke, sleeping on Sam's couch and wearing his clothes. Everything in my life right now is spiraling down, I couldn't control anything, just watching everything happen around you with no possible way of changing anything.

I didn't want to cry but it was just one of those moments, no matter how much you want to stop you can't. I was fully dressed by this time and preparing to leave the bathroom, I can't go out looking like this. I heard another knock on the door.

"Andy, what's the matter? I hear sniffles, I'm coming in". I heard Sam say just as I saw the doorknob turn slowly. I just stood there watching the door open with caution, not knowing what to do.

Sam entered the bathroom, he was obviously surprised to see me crying. "Do you want to talk about it?" I didn't feel like talking, I couldn't even speak. I nodded my head no, trying to keep the tears back.

Sam walked over and put his arms around me, I hugged him back and gave up trying to hide my tears. I was silently crying, I didn't care about anything right now, only how warm Sam body felt against mine, how his arms around my body made all my worries disappear. It was exactly what I needed, and Sam was there, letting me cry on his shoulder. I actually felt in peace, like nothing can hurt me.


	9. Chapter 9

**I am so sorry for the late update, if I could bake you all a cake I would! I had a very busy schedule this week, please forgive me****!**

The warmth of his body against mine, the way it made me feel safe and sound, I never wanted to let go. I could feel the wetness on the back of his shirt, from the tears that I had shed. I felt this deep feeling of depression, my whole world was spiraling down.

Letting go of him was the hardest thing I've done so far, even knowing that he'll be in the room down the hall from me wasn't enough. I pried my arms from his back and brought them down to my side.

After a momentary pause Sam looked up and looked into my eyes. He saw how terrible I looked. He mumbled something that sounded like one second and walked out of the bathroom. I just stood there watching his figure leave. Suddenly my legs felt like Jell-O, they caved in. Luckily enough I grabbed onto the counter just in time, I didn't want Sam picking me up off the ground twice in one day. I pulled myself back up to a somewhat standing position just in time, Sam came through the door way holding a box of Kleenex.

"I don't really need that now, I kinda used your shirt for that". I joked to Sam while he was passing me the box.

He just smiled and nodded putting the Kleenex box on the counter.

"I'm starving, want some macaroni and cheese?" Sam asked me while turning around and making his way towards his bedroom.

I trailed out of the bathroom and into the kitchen to sit the stool. I could see Sam taking off his tear soaked shirt and putting on a new one from the corner of my eye.

...

The macaroni and cheese was delicious, I couldn't believe it was nine o'clock when I looked at Sam's watch. We talked for over two hours!

A yawn escaped my mouth, which I failed to cover up. "Andy, you must be tired! And you have to work tomorrow. I'll go take down the bed, just sit here." Sam didn't even give me a chance to get up, left me in the kitchen by myself.

I started to put the dishes in the sink but as soon as Sam heard the dishes hit together he yelled in his boss voice from the other room

"You're not very good at listening to directions are you, you sure you didn't hit your head earlier". I heard Sam laugh to his own joke from the other room, hilarious.

He showed me the bed and within ten minutes I was laying down thinking. I need to tell Sam how I really truly did feel about him, but would he accept it or just play the friend card again. Maybe he doesn't want anything to do with me, just wants me to leave him alone. If he did, I wouldn't be here right now. The one question I couldn't get out of my mind was, is this more than a friendship.

I guess I got so involved in my thinking I didn't even realize I fell asleep with the light still on, how could I have not realized that. I checked my phone to see the time, two thirty in the morning, what?!

I tried to be as quiet as I could trying to find the light switch, you would think even with the light on I would notice the end table with all the remotes on it, but no.

I slammed in to the end table, making all the remotes for the tv and stereo fall off. Which made a loud bang, and for some unlucky reason made the tv come on, of course. To make it even worse, the remote slipped under the bed and I couldn't reach it to turn it off.

I heard footsteps pounding down the stairs, I was sprawled on the floor trying to reach the remote under the coach. Which apparently was funny, because when I turned around to see Sam he was laughing and shaking his head. I obviously didn't get the funny part about this.

"Hardy har har, now would you please come and help me. Or are you just going to stand there and laugh". Even at that comment Sam didn't move right away. Sam was in such a rush to get downstairs he forgot to grab a shirt.

Sam looked down at his shirtless body and shrugged, deciding he didn't need a shirt anyways. He walked over and helped me up, so much for Sam not helping me off the ground twice in one day. He walked over to the tv and turned it off, which I never thought of doing. I just sat on the couch and watched him pick everything up.

"How did you manage to do this?" Sam asked when he was done cleaning up after another one of my messes. I shrugged because I didn't even know the answer myself.

"If you're ok here, I think I'm going back to bed". Sam said while turning around and heading up the stairs.

"Sam, wait". Sam turned around with a confused look on his face. "Can you stay down here for awhile, I know I've been here before... "I didn't know how to finish that sentence. Sam started to head back down the stairs. "Never mind, I'm being a baby. Go back to bed, see you in the morning".

"Andy, its ok to admit you're a big baby sometimes. You just cried your eyes out in my bathroom. I think were past that, but If you want me to stay down here with you its fine, it won't bother me at all".

"Please stay, just until I fall asleep". Sam smiled and nodded.

After awhile I started to fall asleep, every time I would always check to see if Sam was still there. Each time getting closer and closer to him. Sam must have noticed because when I was about an inch away from me, he put his arm around me. I wasn't expecting it, but I wasn't surprised at the same time. With his arm around me, making me feel at home I fell finally fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for the long wait, you're reviews are soo inspiring! I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words you've said! Love you all 3 **

I heard the noise of a phone ring in the distance, but ignored it. I was too tired to realise that it wasn't my phone, I didn't even realize that I was still sleeping on Sam's couch.

A few minutes after that I started to open my eyes, I could tell the arms that were wrapped around me from last night were gone.

I could hear Sam's voice from somewhere nearby, it must have been his phone that woke me.

I needed coffee and soon, I wasn't going to wait for Sam to get off the phone. It's probably just Oliver telling Sam about the game last night because he missed it. I got up and made myself coffee, still wearing Sam sweats and old academy t-shirt.

Thinking all night proved to be worthless, my brain still wrapped around the same question. Is this more than friends do? It feels like so much more than a friendship, we spend hours with each other every day. Ever since my first week on the job I knew there was something between us.

I knew something was wrong when he came sulking into the kitchen, he didn't say anything just sat down on the stool and ran his fingers through his hair making sure to cover his face expressions. Not even a good morning or how'd you sleep last night.

That phone call couldn't have been from Oliver, loosing forty dollars wouldn't have this big of an effect on him, it has to be something personal.

I shouldn't even be involving myself in the situation like this, but in the two years we've worked together I've only ever seen him act like this once, when he told me he was going to go undercover. That thought brought a cold shiver down my spine.

"Everything alright... You look, well bummed". I asked, even though I knew what the answer would be.

"I'll be fine, just need a minute". With that, Sam got off the stool and walked away. I heard him slam the door to either his bedroom or the bathroom, whichever it was he won't be out of there for a long time.

Not knowing who that phone call was from was torturing me. How could they crush Sam like that?

I couldn't explain to myself what I felt towards Sam, the only thing I know right now is being around gives me the tingles, his smile could make my day, and those little cute things he does just to make me smile leaves me in awe.

No one is going to Sam away from me, I will do everything in my power that I can just to keep him with me one more night.

...

I didn't know what to do, or how to react. It was such a shock, even though I should have been expecting it. After seeing Sam in Best's office with Donavon, I knew that my night mare was coming true. The one person that makes everything better would be leaving me.

Where would I go, where would I live, how can this be happening to me? As soon as I think something in my life is finally working out the way I want, everything comes crumbling down.

It was the drive back from work when he told me, he just let it out as if it was nothing. How could he do this to me, why...?

I tried to stay calm, to just think of one word to say, just one word.

"Oh, wow..." I said in shock, I couldn't handle it. I rested my head against the seat belt, closing my eyes. Trying not to cry, I could feel the blood draining from my face. It felt like it was -40 degrees in the truck. My legs felt weak and my head felt like a giant balloon.

"Andy, are you ok? Andy? ANDY?" I could barely hear Sam yelling even though he was right beside me, his voice felt a million miles away.

I felt the sharp turn of the trucks when Sam stopped the car on the side of the road abruptly. Air, I needed fresh air.

I still don't remember falling asleep, All I saw was blackness. I could hear someone trying to talk to me, the noise was just out of reach. My throat was too dry to say anything. I could feel someone moving the hair away from my face, shaking my arms.

My vision came back slowly, I was extremely confused because all I could see was light blue, everywhere. But those voices were coming closer, I could hear them.

"Andy, wake up. ANDY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?" It was Sam, he was yelling my name. I tried to reply but managed to make only a small whimper.

After a little time I could see and hear, I was now sitting up listening to how much I scared him. I don't want to talk, I don't know what to say.

I just wrapped my arms around him. I just needed to forget, just to forget everything that happened this week.

"I'm sorry" Sam whispers to me. How could Donovan do this to me?


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, keep 'em coming!**

Today I'm off work, but Sam got stuck in court. Since he wasn't around today I thought I'd check around town for apartments to rent.

I am a strong and courageous person, I have to stop relying on other people for me to live my life. I needed to get out and be free, not having to use Sam's house, his clothes and drives.

After I was fully regained consciousness, I knew it was time to go. I couldn't handle it any longer. Sam never said another word about leaving, which was probably for the better. Though it did seem like he was itching to tell me something.

This apartment was nice, small but cozy. Third apartment I've seen today, so far this is the best. Though still not what I'm looking for. My dream apartment probably doesn't even exist.

This apartment number was 38, it was hung at the end of a dark hall. There were poorly painted pictures of grapes and flowers on the wall, probably from thirty years ago. The walls were deep rose with white base boards. There were no windows, it felt like a jail cell. Reminded me too much of work, if that makes any sense.

Before even opening the apartment door, to see inside. I turned around, I wouldn't be able to stand walking past these walls every time I left or came home. These walls darkened my mood, which is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I couldn't live here.

...

Seven apartments later, the day was coming to an end. Sam would be getting home soon and I wouldn't want him to worry because I never told him where I went.

Wait, what, I'm not married nor in a relationship with him, as much as I would like to be though. My life should not evolve around Sam, I don't need to tell him where I'm going and what time I'll be back. It's my life, not his. This thought sunk in and hit me hard. Tonight will be the last night.

The taxi ride was short and not a word was spoken, I handed him the cash and stepped out. I had to tell Sam I was leaving.

When I entered the door I heard him talking with someone, probably telling them he'll be leaving. Just like that, as if it's no big deal.

"Sarah, don't worry. I'll be fine... Yeah...I'll see you soon, bye". Sam hung up the phone and turned towards me.

"Whoa, I didn't even see you there". Sam looked surprised to see me, like I didn't belong.

"Yea, just came in the door... You're not doing anything important are you?" I said. This is it! The perfect timing to tell him about apartment seeking, he needs to know.

Maybe Sam leaving for undercover is a good thing, it makes me find my own place. It showed me how much I have been relying on people these days. It feels like I can't do anything myself anymore. I need to get the feeling of independence back.

"Ummm, not really. Maybe like five minutes. If that's enough time for whatever". Sam said with a saddened voice.

Perfect, now is not a good time, of course it wouldn't be. That's fine, I'm sure it can wait.

"I'm going down to Sarah's to say bye before I go under... It's sort of a family tradition, sadly". Sam said while trying to hide a smile.

Some weird family tradition, I thought to myself. Then again, I shouldn't really be talking. My family isn't anything close to normal.

Sam didn't even say what day he is leaving for undercover, I'm staying with him and he just forgot to tell me. One more huge flaw about Sam, nothing is a big deal. Maybe it's better that I don't know when he's leaving.

I told Sam it was nothing and he left for Sarah's. He told me that he would be back by morning and he'll see me then.

I don't think he minded having me as a guest but it's just getting to the point where I can't stand being with him. What I felt for him was so strong that every time I saw him, I wished and wished for him not to leave. But if I get my own place first, and not see him as often then it will feel different when he leaves. That's what I was hoping at least.

That's it, I'm leaving tonight.

I pack everything together, and with every small thing that I have to go hunting for before I leave, the more I notice it. My stuff is everywhere, my toothbrush was in his toothbrush holder. My brush was in his bathroom drawer. I was treating this house as my own, I was treating it as if we lived together. The more things I came across, the more I realized I had to get out.

I left a note on the kitchen table, right in plain sight. Explaining why I left in the middle of the night.

It read.

"Sam,

I'm sorry that I couldn't have said this in person but I needed to leave. I couldn't stand it, and you going undercover was the perfect timing. I need to stop relying on other people, that's what I was going to talk to you about today. I went out apartment looking earlier, I found a nice one. I'm taking tomorrow and the next day off to get settled. You'll probably be gone by that time anyways. I probably won't be seeing you for a long time, in case we don't ever see each other again. I need to tell you this, I've liked you since the day you were my training officer and I wish that we can someday, maybe a few months or a year from now meet up again and look back at this moment and smile.

But for now, good-bye and good luck.

Love, Andy"


	12. Chapter 12

**I apologize with all my heart, the length of time that it's taken me to write this was too long. I'm sorry. But here it is chapter 12 finally. Through Sam's eyes.**

It's been too long. It was exactly three months ago today that I found the heart sinking note waiting for me at my kitchen table. I wish I could have spared an extra thirty minutes just to talk to her, instead of seeing it through a note. I would have given the world to hear her voice again at that moment.

After I read the note the first time I couldn't believe my eyes, she was gone and there was nothing I could do. I think that night I reread that note fifteen times, every time imagining her voice reading it to me. The perfect voice I couldn't live without, the voice that brightened up my mood when I heard it.

I finally came to the thought that getting some time away from the person I can't live without would help me get more balanced. Maybe let me focus on the more important things. Like the serious U.C job I was working at the moment.

I was wrong, I turned into a disaster. My whole world was turned upside-down. There was nothing I could do to shake that feeling of hatred and failure towards myself and her.

I tried everything I could think of, nothing helped. No loud music, no bars and no girls filled that emptiness inside of me. I tried sooo hard, but it haunted me wherever I went.

It got to a point where I would fall asleep ever night listening to the police scanner in the hopes of hearing her voice light up my room. I heard her voice occasionally but not enough, I wouldn't be getting any sleep because I was afraid of missing her voice. I couldn't miss her, it felt I failing both her and me in some weird way.

That wasn't working so I eventually got the bright idea of parking close to the stations back entrance, where all the cruisers are parked. I saw her every now and then, but this newbie cop noticed me. I didn't remember him from before I left and he seemed to be getting close with Andy. Even though I didn't know him I still couldn't stand him.

"Sir, what are you doing, you do realize this is a police station. And I've noticed you here a couple of times before". I jumped in my seat, a voice from behind startled me.

The new guy must have crept up to the passenger window without me noticing. I read the name on his vest, it read Collins.

I was so tempted to say I wonder what gave it away that this was a police station, the cruisers or the guys in vests carrying guns. Then I suddenly remember I'm carrying, an unregistered weapon at that, oops. I better get out of here quick. How could I forget something like that? I can't have this undercover blown like the last. McNally.

I mumbled a sorry, started the engine and drove away. Just in time too, a couple seconds after I turned around to see if Andy would walk outside at the right time. But instead Oliver came outside to join the new guy. Oli looks as if these past months have caught up to him too. He gained weight and looks like a mess. I hope he got things with his wife sorted out. Oli must be the new guys trainer officer. I wonder if he gave him "the speech". I missed the sound of rookies talking about how they're first day was, I missed McNally's first day on the job. I wish I could go back to that day just to see her face one more time.

That was too close, this need to see Andy is getting too much. I just need to let her go and make her a memory not a moment in the present. Hopefully these days ahead in U.C will be long and tiring, that'll keep me busy and hopefully keep my mind off her.

The letter, the one and only thing I have from her. The last thing she ever gave me. If I keep the letter around somewhere I'll end up reading it over and over, and get deeper in this tunnel without an end. That's the last thing I want to happen. It has to go.

I can't just throw it away, because then I'll know it's there, and dig through my garbage just to see her handwriting one more time. It has to be destroyed, no question about it. The only appropriate thing I could think of was to burn it, it seemed a little dramatic but it had to be done.

Later that night when I got home from a long day at the ware house, it was time. I grabbed a beer and my lighter, nothing was going to stop me. I pulled the letter out from my pocket and read it one last time, I didn't even need to finish it. I've had it memorized for too long. Without realizing what I was doing my arm lifted itself up to the letter, switched on the lighter and put it to the letter.

I watched as the flames engulfed the last thing I might ever receive from her, and I'm burning it. What am I thinking. A tear actually crept down my cheek, the first time in three years. I couldn't handle it, I'm a wimp. I started blowing on the letter to stop the flames, which I don't know why I thought that would work. Maybe this should be the last drink of the night. I dropped the letter in the damp grass and against all my will stepped on it. I could see the ink running, ruining it.

I felt a buzz, which at first was just the affect of the drink. It wasnt from the drink, it was coming from my phone. Why would anyone call me now.

"Hey, how are you Sammy? It's me, Boyd your buddy" He said while chuckling, This better be good news.

"What do you want" I said in a pretty pissed off tone.

"You sound pretty pissed, what's up? Anyways there's talk of you getting partner around the warehouse, if that's the case we'll need to recruit another from 15 division, any ideas"?

"McNally" That's all I said before I hung up. I never believed in miracles, but this was definitely one. I looked down to realize that my foot was still stepping on the light up letter, the fire got bigger and I could feel the pain hitting my foot. The flames were creeping up the side of my shoe.

"Oh shit"

**The order of events is a little messed up I know, but I thought Collins would be great in future chapters. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Here's chapter 13, you guys are very inspiring thank you! Hope you enjoy, tell me what you think, Back to Andy.**

Over the past two years that I've been a cop, never once did I think about quitting the job. But in these past three months I've been tempted so many times. I knew nothing else, all my dad ever talked about was the job. I had to keep up the family legacy, but it's been hard lately. Over my life, Division 15 has been the one constant.

I loved my job, it just didn't seem right anymore. It was turning into a chore, not a pleasure. It felt the same thing every day, over and over, a never ending tunnel.

I never realized how the conversations between us would make my day. I miss those corny jokes that were stupid, but made me laugh every time.

I wonder if he even noticed I left.

"Well, well you, you make my dreams come true ohh ohh" That voice seemed to be coming from my pocket, it must be my phone. For some reason this song has been a comfort to me for the past months, it reminded me of him.

I didn't recognize the number but answered anyways.

"McNally? Hey its boydd". What does he want, he hates me. And how did he get my new cell number.

"Yea, it's Andy, why". I really just wanted to hang up on him, but I had to pretend to be nice.

He started to explain that there was an opening in an undercover job he has. Why would he even talk to me about this, I'm not on the list and last U.C I ruined.

But it was an escape from this boring everyday life that never changes, that would be nice.

That's the only reason I accepted, I needed to leave this life behind for a little while, and this was my perfect opportunity. I didn't want to think it through, just go with the flow sort of thing. It reminded me a little bit of him.

"Leave everything behind, don't tell anyone. Meet me at the Penney in seven hours". That was it, he just hung up.

I can't tell if I'm exited or sad about this, leaving everyone behind is going to be tough. My father will be the worse, I just hope he won't go back to drinking.

...

I was at the Penney an hour early, just people watching. I've been sipping on the same beer for the hour. I can't wait to leave this place. I don't feel like I belong anymore.

The same thought kept going through my head, but I didn't believe it. It's a huge coincidence that Sam and I will both be in U.C at the same time, while both having Boydd as our handler. I didn't want to think about Sam and I together, but the thought definitely crossed my mind. What if... NO, he won't be there and I don't want to get myself all exited for nothing.

Luckily none of my close co-workers were at the bar that tonight, I probably would have ended up in tears. Knowing that I'll be leaving them behind and they won't know tears me apart.

I decided it was time to wait outside, there was too many people gathering around my favorite stool. I looked back at the rookie table and the pictures behind the bar for the last time, this is it.

Pushing open the door the cold icy breeze hit me hard, why must Canada be so cold. I shivered and zippered up my jacket all the way.

There was one thing I could not leave behind, my IPod. I snuck it in the lining of my jacket earlier today. There was already a rip so I didn't have to ruin my jacket, you know just in case they make me empty my pockets. I pulled out the ear buds, stuck them in my ear and cranked the music up all the way.

Music has always helped me through things in life, especially these pasts months. I would have my iPod on me at all times. Right now some heavy music sounds perfect, it's showed me it's ok to break down, but never give up.

Halfway through my favorite song, I saw unmarked car pull up towards me. There were two people in the car, but one was wearing a hoodie with the hood up covering its face. The other was the one and only Boydd, this is gonna go well.

Boydd pointed to the backseat and gave me a sour look, nothing unexpected. Luckily enough I was able to push the ear buds away so I won't get caught.

I didn't know what to expect getting into the car, but I certainly wasn't expecting this.

"No going back, leaving everyone behind, are you sure your ready for this" Boydd asked me, as if I was going to back down now.

"Absolutely" I said with certainty.

I heard a familiar laugh coming from the front seat, I could recognize that laugh anywhere. It was him, it was Sam. Boydd was driving out of the parking lot and onto the highway. The passenger turned around and pulled down his hood.

It was him.

The smile I missed, slowly crept along his face. I longed to see Sam for months, I had stuff memorized to say when we finally saw each other again. Though my mind just drew a complete blank, all I could do was smile all goofy like.

"Good to see you McNally, it's been a long time". McNally, even though I hate my last name I don't mind it when he says it.

I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes, for the first time in a long time I felt relaxed and I knew everything was going to be ok. Because I was with Sam, and that's all that I cared about.


	14. Chapter 14

**Here is chapter 14, finally! Enjoy and don't forget I love your reviews. **

When Boydd first drove me and Sam back to our apartment were now sharing, he slowed down at the same old apartment that I visited when I was checking out for a place to live. I knew that instant that it would be apartment 38, the one I couldn't even enter because the place reminded me too much of work.

"Have fun you love birds" Boydd said as he parked.

By the look on both Sam's and my face, we were both completely surprised. How would Boydd know about the letter and us staying together? I think it hit us about the same time that when Boydd said loved birds, he was talking about how were suppose to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Phew

When Boydd left us on the sidewalk and sped off I decided to break the awkward silence.

"Sam, I thought I wouldn't see you for another couple of months". I said in a shy voice.

Just remembering the note I wrote Sam, telling him how I've liked him ever since we first worked together.

Right before I left Sam's place, I took a picture of the note so I could always have it with me. I thought that if I ever missed Sam, I could go back and look at the picture and try to imagine us laughing together. It worked for awhile, it did help.

'You can't get rid of me that easily" Sam said as he grabbed my small suitcase and made his way into the building.

"Lemme guess, apartment 38, at the end of a dark hallway with 30 year old paintings of grapes and flowers" I was just hoping that I was right, otherwise it would have been kinda weird.

"Were you watching me while I was undercover again McNally?" Sam said in a witty tone, but I could tell I freaked hi m out.

"Good guess" I said with laughter while climbing the stairs behind Sam.

Much to my non surprise, it was door number 38 that Sam put the keys in and opened the door. It was just as ugly as I thought.

"So this is what it looks like on the inside" I chuckled and confused Sam even more. I should probably explain myself before Sam thinks I stalked him again.

"I was looking at this apartment before I left your place, it's funny because I hated it so much that it left an imprint in my mind". I said while sitting down on my new very bouncy couch, I approved.

Sam sat beside me and let out a sigh, I have a feeling were going to have either an awkward moment or burst out into intense making out. It got awkward.

"Sam, I'm sorry" I needed to say something and this probably wasn't the best but it was something. I truly was sorry, I left Sam behind without saying goodbye. All I left him was the letter which I still don't even know if he read.

"McNally, there is nothing you have to say sorry for, I screwed up. I wish I could have stayed behind, with both of us still living in my apartment. But I left you with nowhere to go and without saying a proper goodbye, that wasn't right on my part". Sam was staring into my eyes while he said this. I knew he really meant it.

I couldn't think of anything to say really, maybe something along the lines of_**it's ok**_or _**don't worry about it. **_But I couldn't, I took it hard and I imagine Sam did too.

So I just hugged him, I wrapped my arms around him. I didn't expect myself to do this, but my body just took over control. Missing Sam was pretty bad, those three months I did spiral out of control and other people noticed too. Tracy would say _**He'll be home soon, don't worry**_, whenever I would look back at his spot in the debriefing room, and all I ever saw was an empty space. My work started to get sloppy, I couldn't concentrate. I think Frank had something to do with the fact that I ended up in UC, he knew I missed Sam, even without me telling him. He noticed how depressed I was getting, I wonder if it was him who called Boydd first...

Whoever made it happen, I love them. They brought me together with the one person I've had feelings for, for over two years.

"I'm glad your here, I missed you too" Sam said with his arms wrapped around me.

"Though there is something you should know, It's probably been torturing you alive to know this. I read the letter, I have it with me. I could never have left it behind, it was the one thing I had of yours. I missed you, there's no one here I can talk to. I'm the one who made the call that I needed a partner, I was hoping that it would be you. When I first went UC I tried to imagine a life without you in it, I tried really hard. But in the end, I needed you, and I'm glad you're here with me". Sam was trying to keep some amount of emotion tucked inside, just enough so he wouldn't cry.

Me on the other hand, couldn't keep my emotions inside. I had tears rolling down my face. This is the moment I waited those three months for. This wasn't what I had in mind, but I like it. I feel like this is where I belong, with Sam in an old apartment building catching bad guys. Like it should be.


End file.
